The Kosmic Weight Of Carrying Way Too Many Projections

It's not just Ken Wilber. The same could be said to apply to each and everyone of us to greater and lesser degrees. We carry projections around, like so many crosses we are burdened to bear. And no, not all of them are light for Chris' sakes!!

I think it is interesting to consider how each one of us deals with carrying the 'projections' of others. For me, personally speaking, I tend to thrive on someone 'projecting negativity' my way. Negative projections feed me, inspire me, empower me. Tell me that I am incapable, that I can't, that I am not cut out for it, and I am fuled by a raging fire to show you just how wrong you are. I love proving people wrong in that way.

On the other hand, I seem to crumble under the weight of too many positive projections. I don't seem to thrive under the burden of 'Great Expectations' (and maybe few do, because we are, after all, human). I like to play the role of the Underdog--the one who is never even noticed, the one in last place, the one who comes out of nowhere and leaves people saying, 'Where the hell did he come from?'

The hardest thing to do in sports is to 'repeat.' Once you win the championship everyone is out to get you. You have a target on your back. It's evolution baby!! In a hyper-competitive climate people are constantly wanting to test their skills against the best--the World Champs, the Reigning King, the Lords and Gods. It is even spoken of in Greek Mythology where Atlas and the Titans seek to overthrow and vanquish the Gods. And you might say that the Era of Modernity has been eerily similar to that of the Titans seeking to overthrow the Gods.

But what are you left with when you take the Top-Most Rung Of the Ladder?

Aren't you left with people's projections? Aren 't you left with people wanting to make you their own personal Saviour? Aren't you left with the projections of the God on your back, yet without the capacity of the Gods to shoulder that weight? Aren't you left to be a literal Atlas, damned to support the Heavens and the Earth--the Kosmos anyone?--upon your shoulders fopr eternity?

What a burden that must be. Truly, what a burden that must be. Imagine the projections that--for literary sake--God receives. Imagine all the shit He gets tossed His way. Imagine all that She is expected to do. Imagine how a simple human-being would likely crumble under the weight of all of those projections.

Think about it, please. Think about the weight of people's great expectations and how they want you to 'save the world' for them (or at the very least, save their world). Think about what a burden it is when people are not accepting responsibility for their lives but have made you out to be some 'King-figure of the God-realm' that is going to solve everything. Imagine how brutal it must be to have to take all of that upon your mortal personhood, to shoulder that.

Imagine that Christ is Cruicified not by his enemies, but by His disciples.

Rock-stars crumble because people cannibalize off from them. I have been to my fair share of shows. I have been on tour buses with friends. I have seen the unseemly side up close and personal. I know the burdens--the secret burdens--that the overly admired must bear. I see the eager looks in people's eyes as they scan the scene looking for that 'one person' whom they have projected so much goodness and greatness upon. And I have seen the Rock-star try to hide, walking with his shoulders hunche, slouching out of the club, hoping not to be noticed.

Why? Because he is already carrying too much weight. His fans are already 'loving him to death.' The whole world's adoration is already suffocating him to the point where he literally wants to blow up.

That's the only thing that can save him: the 'loved to death' Rock-star's salvation lives in an explosion of Herculean proportions. A blow-up. He does it to 'save himself' from the love. It is not the pressure of the critics. It is NOT the pressure of the negative (as the negative invites challenge in the masculine). It is the pressure of the love and the adoration that if explosion doesn't save him will lead to an implosion that will immolate him.

But we don't see this, do we? We think love and admiration are 'all-good.' We assume that the more we are loved the better. And yet, for a man--for the masculine in man (or woman for that matter) too much love can result in a suffocating pressure that can feel so much like Un-Freedom and Death that the masculine has to 'blow his whole fucking world up in order to save it!'