buddhism
December 2007 
Let's Let The World Change Us
Posted on Aug 22nd, 2006
by 
David Jon
David Jon
I may have been the most insufferable ass of all-time in my twenties. Perhaps there are a few challengers around here for that title though. Most of my reasoning and rationale for being such an asshole had to do with my deep desire to change the world. It has not been until recently that I realized how much hate was in my high-falutin' Idealism. Really, if you look closely you can sense a lot of venom in many people's supposed spirituality. Maybe no more so than those in there 20's and early 30's (a stage some people may become stuck in for some time).
Some say it is all quite natural and that we are meant to be Idealistic in our early adult years. That is a time when we are trying to 'find ourselves,' a time when we are seeking to 'make our mark on the world.' That is all well and good to the degree that we don't examine that tendency to seek to make our mark on the world around us. But when we do start to examine that thirst (and yes, it may well be a form of tahna, ala Buddhism) we have to start to ask if our 'making our mark on the world' is scarring the world, is laying the world bare and bloody, is digging into the heart of anima mundi and etching our name upon the World Soul.
Just listen to the language of 20-something Idealism (or Idealism period). 'Make your mark.' Your mark. The mark. The Mark of the Beast?
It is as if we have this notion that we are here to scar the world, to make an incision into the Body of Christ. It is as if our language speaks volumes about where we are really at in terms of our awareness (meaning, the real depth of our supposed spirituality). Making our mark is about 'leaving our footprints' so that others will know we have been here. Yet, Indigenous Peoples often speak of walking lightly upon the Earth. Even eco-friendly campers and environmentalists know the virtues of leaving a campsite as if there is no sign of anyone having been there.
In Zen Buddhism there is this teaching that points to the Enlightened as being the 'one without rank.' That one is not marked and bears no marking indicating who he or she is. There is no gaudy indication of status or rank. There is no desire to make one's mark upon the world. The world doesn't need our mark.
Which brings me to this: my sense that there is a lot of unacknowledged Narcissism in spiritual circles such as what we might find here at Zaadz (and elsewhere of course). It is this sense that we are so very important. It is this sense of urgency that has us trampling all over sentient beings in a rush to save the world from itself.
See, it is well-meaning and good-intentioned. That is the problem with Idealism. We know our Ideals are so pure and just that we don't need toi examine them--or the ramifgications of our holding to those Ideals so tightly, so cravenly, so life-chokingly hard. They are our Ideals. They are what give us a sense of self. We look at our Ideals like Narcissus staring into the still waters of the Lake--and they reflect back to us all that is lovely about us. Yes, we are so beautiful. Yes, we are so good. Yes, we are so lovely. This is who we wish to be: that image that looks back at us from the surface of reflective awareness. '
And then we fall in love with our Ideals to the point that we don't hear the invitations to Love from those who are not noticed by us because our vision is so fixed on the lovely nature of our Ideals as seen shimmering in our own awareness.
The Lovers that would draw us out of the Uroboric-loop of our Ideals. The Lovers who would draw us out of our 'self.' The Lovers who invite us. The imperfect one's, easily dismissed, but who open the Heart no less when we let it happen. Yes... that world... the world that changes us more than we change it.
Can we let it happen? Can we let our Ideals go so we can know what Love Is?
Addendum 2 hours later:
1) We exist in relationship to/with/as the world.
2) If one's stated goal in a relationship is to 'change' the one whom one is relating to/with then the relationship is going to be pathological... i.e., it will fail... it cannot grow... it will not develop fully to what it could be.
3) Do the preceding points suggest that the stated goal of 'changing the world' itself creates a sitaution where there ends up being a pathological relationship to/with the world?
Pretend you are in a relationship with someone. If you set out to 'change' that person what is going to happen. I think you know the answer to this one as well as I do!! ; o ) The relationship cannot endure the conditions created by the pressure that constellates around the push to change. A much more skillful approach is to love so that change occurs naturely, innately.
Let's not change the world. Let's nurture the world like a gardener or husbander of animals. If all we do is provide the necessary daily requirements then the world's growth and maturity will take care of itself. Therefore, it's not change the world needs from us. It is love and constant care. Out of that atmosphere development and growth occur naturely, with no effort on our part.
Further: Do you know the pressure when someone is trying to change you---to make you fit into an image or ideal they have of you? Can we do that to the world? Can we put so much pressure on the World Soul--anima mundi, the Great Mother, Matter, whatever--such that the world becomes lost... literally? Like an adolescent young girl who doesn't know who she is because there is all of this pressure from others trying to make her be what they think she needs to be.
Do we know who or what the world is supposed to be? Do we?
Some say it is all quite natural and that we are meant to be Idealistic in our early adult years. That is a time when we are trying to 'find ourselves,' a time when we are seeking to 'make our mark on the world.' That is all well and good to the degree that we don't examine that tendency to seek to make our mark on the world around us. But when we do start to examine that thirst (and yes, it may well be a form of tahna, ala Buddhism) we have to start to ask if our 'making our mark on the world' is scarring the world, is laying the world bare and bloody, is digging into the heart of anima mundi and etching our name upon the World Soul.
Just listen to the language of 20-something Idealism (or Idealism period). 'Make your mark.' Your mark. The mark. The Mark of the Beast?
It is as if we have this notion that we are here to scar the world, to make an incision into the Body of Christ. It is as if our language speaks volumes about where we are really at in terms of our awareness (meaning, the real depth of our supposed spirituality). Making our mark is about 'leaving our footprints' so that others will know we have been here. Yet, Indigenous Peoples often speak of walking lightly upon the Earth. Even eco-friendly campers and environmentalists know the virtues of leaving a campsite as if there is no sign of anyone having been there.
In Zen Buddhism there is this teaching that points to the Enlightened as being the 'one without rank.' That one is not marked and bears no marking indicating who he or she is. There is no gaudy indication of status or rank. There is no desire to make one's mark upon the world. The world doesn't need our mark.
Which brings me to this: my sense that there is a lot of unacknowledged Narcissism in spiritual circles such as what we might find here at Zaadz (and elsewhere of course). It is this sense that we are so very important. It is this sense of urgency that has us trampling all over sentient beings in a rush to save the world from itself.
See, it is well-meaning and good-intentioned. That is the problem with Idealism. We know our Ideals are so pure and just that we don't need toi examine them--or the ramifgications of our holding to those Ideals so tightly, so cravenly, so life-chokingly hard. They are our Ideals. They are what give us a sense of self. We look at our Ideals like Narcissus staring into the still waters of the Lake--and they reflect back to us all that is lovely about us. Yes, we are so beautiful. Yes, we are so good. Yes, we are so lovely. This is who we wish to be: that image that looks back at us from the surface of reflective awareness. '
And then we fall in love with our Ideals to the point that we don't hear the invitations to Love from those who are not noticed by us because our vision is so fixed on the lovely nature of our Ideals as seen shimmering in our own awareness.
The Lovers that would draw us out of the Uroboric-loop of our Ideals. The Lovers who would draw us out of our 'self.' The Lovers who invite us. The imperfect one's, easily dismissed, but who open the Heart no less when we let it happen. Yes... that world... the world that changes us more than we change it.
Can we let it happen? Can we let our Ideals go so we can know what Love Is?
Addendum 2 hours later:
1) We exist in relationship to/with/as the world.
2) If one's stated goal in a relationship is to 'change' the one whom one is relating to/with then the relationship is going to be pathological... i.e., it will fail... it cannot grow... it will not develop fully to what it could be.
3) Do the preceding points suggest that the stated goal of 'changing the world' itself creates a sitaution where there ends up being a pathological relationship to/with the world?
Pretend you are in a relationship with someone. If you set out to 'change' that person what is going to happen. I think you know the answer to this one as well as I do!! ; o ) The relationship cannot endure the conditions created by the pressure that constellates around the push to change. A much more skillful approach is to love so that change occurs naturely, innately.
Let's not change the world. Let's nurture the world like a gardener or husbander of animals. If all we do is provide the necessary daily requirements then the world's growth and maturity will take care of itself. Therefore, it's not change the world needs from us. It is love and constant care. Out of that atmosphere development and growth occur naturely, with no effort on our part.
Further: Do you know the pressure when someone is trying to change you---to make you fit into an image or ideal they have of you? Can we do that to the world? Can we put so much pressure on the World Soul--anima mundi, the Great Mother, Matter, whatever--such that the world becomes lost... literally? Like an adolescent young girl who doesn't know who she is because there is all of this pressure from others trying to make her be what they think she needs to be.
Do we know who or what the world is supposed to be? Do we?
Access: Public
David Jon.
I think this is such, such a crucial point. I suffered, actually, from a reverse narcissism in my youth; I struggled with extreme self-hatred and was first drawn to Buddhism because of my misreading of the notion of no-self. I thought the idea of annihilating the ego was perfect; I despised myself and meditated with a single-minded committment toward overcoming and doing away with my ego.
Obviously this didn't work; obviously this negative obsession is just as narcissitic as a positive, grandious one. “I am ugly; I am worthless; I am horrible” … the 'I' is still centered.
I'd venture that it's a necessary part of growing up, this project of identity. Some of us inflate our self-esteem, others wallow, but either way we all must eventually come to terms with both the angel and the worm.
But this is a digression! My apologies. All I really meant to say was that I so deeply appreciate your point, and that continual call to humbleness and compassion (for oneself as well as the world!) is so, so important. I too definitely feel that sense of spiritual narcissism in these circles (and I'm DEFINITELY not immune myself! Just by writing this I'm committing the crime ;) ), and I do try to keep in mind, always, that first part of the Zaadz mission … “Be the change.”
I don't know. I feel the world is changing, with our help or without, and that I don't particularly want to be changed in the way of apathy or bitterness or hopelessness. Rather, I want to be responsible for my life, so that I don't take my fears out on others, or demand that others fulfill my hopes.
Thank you, again, for initiating this conversation. It's an important topic. Or at least I think so. ;)
Thank You Siona,
Nice to know it is an 'important topic' for someone other than just myself! I am glad to know I am not just rambling and babbling incoherently. I appreciate you taking the time, also to share a part of your experience with me too. ; o )
What you said about narcissism not just constellating aroung 'grandiosity' is very interesting to me. When I was working on Buddha & Shakespeare in 2002 and 2003 a similar notion struck me. I ended up including a whole section in the book on the
constellation of narcissism and self-centeredness around suffering. I invoked our old friend–the 'object-relations theory' of psychological development—and wondered in the book if suffering is maybe not a primal object itself, i.e., that pain and suffering is an early companion in life and we have to make a place for it, so it may not be too much of stretch to suggest that we come to form a 'sense of self' around that central-object we might call dukkha or suffering.
You can check it out sometime if you are interested. There is an e-book version available too (or when I get time I'll post some of the juicer passages from that part of the book!).
; o)
I also concur when you wrote:
I feel the world is changing, with our help or without, and that I don't particularly want to be changed in the way of apathy or bitterness or hopelessness. Rather, I want to be responsible for my life, so that I don't take my fears out on others, or demand that others fulfill my hopes.
Yes, the world is changing. Trees are growing. Babies are developing. People are cultivating new connections and making new relationships. Lovers are loving… and warriors are warring. And like what you seem to be intimating, I, too, feel that the change comes not from the 'doing' but from our Being. Rooted in our Being changes manifests organically. We may not have to intend it so much as allow it to unfold with the Grace and Beauty that just Is.
Appreciatively,
David Jon
Oh, thanks for the followup. Again, it is an issue near and dear to me, and I am curious about the ongoing evolution of this community. I keep coming back to the awareness we each of us must work on, both in staying alert to our hubris in thinking we can fix or cure others and in how easy it is to get blindly caught up in some faux-spiritual path without attending to the neccessary depth and pain.
And so, to that end, I love what you wrote about how a sense of self must be formed around suffering! It makes so much sense on so many levels. Speaking personally, I could see how feeling that sense of pain and lack could have so easily led me to think of myself as somehow worthless. Or, conversely, the attempt to hide or disguise this core injury could set up all sorts of other ego projects. I do hope you'll post more.
Thanks again.