Gaia Community: David Jon's Blog

The Purest Gold

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:54:06 -0000

Almost 40 years old. Done the Vision Quest. Been on the Mindfulness Meditation Retreat. Lived alone in a cabin in the woods Thoreau-like for months on end. Travelled Gypsy-like across the United States. Played in a Rock-n-Roll band. Written a couple of books that have been published.

I have chopped the wood and carried the water.

And now I have been a parent for nearly 2 years. What I can honestly convey to you--with all of my Heart--is that there is nothing that compares in depth and profundity to being a parent. Of course you will freak out, experiencing all sorts of anxiety and psychological tremors. But most important of all your Heart will warm up to such a degree that the coldest chill in all of Eternity will not faze you.

It is inexplicable and irreplacable.
The Mystics can't touch it...
...far too ordinary... and way too obvious.
A Mother...
A Father...

Please Vote In This Poll: Is The World Changing For The Better?

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 15:55:31 -0000

Please vote in the comments section. A simple "yes' or 'no' will do. Or you can write something at greater length if you feel so inclined. Thanks!

It is really a very simple question. Is the world getting better? How is humanity faring in its status as dominant species on the Planet? Are we headed in the right direction?

I have always wondered about this and I tend to vacillate back and forth from glimmers of hope to outright disgust and despair. Yesterday I drove more than 200 miles south from where I live to the Metro Detroit area in order to pick up some musical equipment I had won on E-bay. And let me tell you, I couldn't get out of that area fast enough!! There was nothing I wanted more than to return to the quiet of the Northern Michigan Forest (though that is slowly giving way to the cities and suburbs approaching from the south, growing liike a mold).

Yes, I know, it is all people. I know that my dear brother and sisters out there are struggling and I am supposed to be giving them the benefit of the doubt. But damn if I don't have my preferences!! ; o ) And truth be told one of my preferences is certainly not for a metropolis and all that comes with it (from the center and the hub to the periphery and the outer rim---i.e., city center and suburb, downtown and the endless series of strip malls that reach out like tentacles gobbling up all the Nature in sight, and entombing that Nature in concrete).

And yet.... and yet I say.... I do feel that there is progress being made on some fronts. The world is getting better and worse. It appears to me that the world is a never-ending bifurcation and there is a perpetual split in opposing directions. Progress and regress. Evolution and devolution. Forward and backward.

I do wonder whay you think.... feel.... sense... believe. Please do vote. I want to get a sense of what others here at Zaadz (or those just passing through) pick up when they place their attention on the Pulse of the World. What vibe do you get? Is it all groovy and cool? Or are you pickiing up arrhythmias and discordant patterns (helter-skelter) when you tune into the Great Swell that is Humanity spanning the Globe like an evolutionary Tsunami---leaving no stone unturned and nothing as it was before?

(June 26th Addendum)

I wonder if the world exists in some sort of state of balance or equilibrium such that the positive/good is counterbalanced by the negative/bad. It seems to me that for many, many people the world is not gettting better, and that no one can argue against this fact. Yet, for others the world seems to be a state of increasing positivity. So how might one reconcile these facts that seem to contradict one another? What if reconciliation of the contradiction is in an appreciation of the polarity that the world exists is in a state of? What if every upswing is paid for by a downswing elsewhere? Would that mean we cannot say that the world is improving en masse or in toto? Would that mean that a recognition of improvment and betterment has to come with a conciliatory sense that this positivity is going to be offset somewhere in the Gaian System by negativity? That Enlightenment and the Dark Ages are fundamentally One?

Do Words Have Any Power To Transform?

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 15:11:54 -0000

It's kind of harrowing to begin questioning your vocation like this, but, alas, here I am doing just that. Here I am, someone who fancies himself an authour questioning the power of words to transform---to make an impact, to shift awareness, to alter perspectives.

Maybe it's just me, but for all the words I have been exposed to over the years I feel no fundamental transformation of consciousness. Yes, I have been transformed in both profound and subtle ways by experiences.... by relationships.... but certainly not by words.

Even when people have spoken to me words that seemed quite injurious to me at the time have not had their impact upon me because of their own nature, but more so because of the nature of the sentiment or emotion behind and beneath the word. It's as if the word is but a vessel for the real power. It is as if the word is but a messenger, and not itself a message. The message, the real message--the power of transformation and transmission--can be carried and contained in words. But dare say I, as the authour of numerous works, that words are powerless and impotent without and apart from the consciousness which infuses words with any and all semblances of power and potency which they might ever appear to have.

Yes, words are truly empty until we pour Heart and Soul into them. And it is that Heart and Soul we drink, never the words.

Pointed-Pithy Transmission #1

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 16:22:58 -0000

Wordless transmissions. Here's the Zen. This is it.

No requirement for extended discourses in multiple syntaxes. Lord knows I am so over that. 1,200 pages of Integral. 40 pages of definitions and othger assorted explanations of appropriate terminology and their fitting context. Blech!!

It is as if there is something obscured by the (over) reliance of one prattling on and on---such as the further clarifications of this, that, and the other thing, the reductions ad absurdum, the blahdy, blah, blah, blah.

Chalk it up to being a parent. Yes, parent. I just don't have time for that shit anymore (says he who has authoured a near 600 page tome himself!!)!

I honestly don't have precious hours to waste in semantics and hyper-conceptualiuzation. Which is why I am issuing a call for a more potent form of transmission of awareness. Now! Encapsulated in as few words as possible, even to the point of being sealed up in glances, unpacked in postures, and delivered in the gently swaying spruce boughs summarizing the wordless nature of it all.

Ssshhhhhhhhhh....... you'll miss it otherwise.

No Response.... (Er... uhm... No Response-Ability??)

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 19:25:29 -0000

I haven't heard from Steve since I responded to his letter. This is the longest period of time we have not communicated since we have known each other. That's more than 25 years!! I am assuming he didn't like what I had to say. Guess honesty and truthfulness don't have as big a place in some people's lives as they might otherwise confess they do. ______________________________________________________________ That is the irony in this, isn't it? Steve begged me to look at myself and be more honest with 'where I was at' relative to 'who I was.' So that is what I did. Yet the outcome is obviously other than what my friend had supposed it would be (or at least this is what I am assuming due to his refusal to answer my repeated phone-calls). I guess Steve didn't know who I was--or who I had become. I guess I did change. I guess I am different. I look at my priorities now compared to what they once used to be and I can notice the difference. I have changed. My values have changed. Life has granted me Fatherhood status and I am not willing to deny that gift. Maybe Steve wants me to continue along the same trajectory that he and I once were on. Maybe that happens to us in life. Maybe friends and family do 'lose touch with us' when the Universe calls us to new obligations. ________________________________________________________________ The big insight came for me when I realized that Steve was not my responsibility. It is his life. It is his choice. If he wants to go out in flames then who am I to deny him that. I can't determine whether or not he does or doesn't take his life. I can't talk him out of suicide is he is bound and determined to do so. You can only throw someone a life-vest so many times. It is up to them to grab it. The other person's response-ability is to hang on. I can't pull Steve to shore if he is not willing to hang on. _________________________________________________________________ Still, Steve was my best-friend for over 25 years (I just noticed I wrote WAS!). I know something has happened that has broken the bond we once had. It is not the same anymore. In that mauc Steve was right. I guess he was just assuming I was being 'fake' and 'inauthentic' because things had 'changed between us.' So he felt need to call me on that. He did call me on that. I responded. I am still responding. Everyday I respond in light of the choices I am making to be a response-able Father. That is my primary duty. If I shirk that obligation in trade for others I know I would never be able to forgive myself for that (besides, Uriah is one awesome cat and anyone blessed to be his Dad would be a fool to not want to be wholly present to love and support him). __________________________________________________________ Wow! It just hit me. I hadn't seen this until just now. Steve... are you jealous?? Are you upset because I have been blessed with Fatherhood? because I have a son? because I understand more than ever what real love and connectedness are? What if you.... Steve... are down on life because you are not sharing in this experience with me? What if you really don't 'get it?' What if it is not me, Steve? What if it is you? What if you are the one with the dishonesty and the inauthenticity? What if there are dreams and desires in you that you are not 'giving birth'--metaphorically speaking? What if you are coming down on me--and have been--because you have been fighting those voices inside yourself? What if you don't need suicide Steve.... but, instead, a birthing of dreams you have too long denies? I mean, you can't be alone and hate the so-called 'world' forever can you? What are you fighting Steve? Really?

My Response To Steve's Letter

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 18:55:19 -0000

I have had almost 3 weeks to consider my friend Steve's stark and unrelenting honesty. It took me aback at first. I adopted Steve's position relative to what he perceived as being my 'inauthenticity' since becoming a father. It was nearly 2 weeks of me examining my motives and recent decisions over the past 12 to 18 months. I melded with Steve's perspective. And in doing so I hated my self---- I hated life!

That's when it dawned on. Steve was totally right. I was being inauthentic. I was lying to myself. I was being less than perfectly honest with people close to me. But it was not with who Steve thought it was. I was, instead, and perhaps to Steve's dismay, being inauthentic in relationship to him.

___________________________________________________

Steve assumed--as did I--that we were still comrades fighting the same old battles against the world. It was Steve and I against conventionality. It was Steve and I refusing to conform to conventional wisdom. It was Steve and I out on the limb. It was Steve and I distancing ourselves from those whom we assumed 'just didn't get it.' It was always Steve and I as long as I can remember.

Then I became a Father. Then, more properly put, I became responsible for caring for another being in ways unimaginable to me before. That's where Steve and I diverged.

__________________________________________________

I was the one to try and maintain the frienship. Even with all of Steve's spewing forth about suicide and ranting against the world, I still attempted to connect with him. I still tried to empathize with him. Even to the point of denying myself the realization of what I now know.

Like I have already mentioned, I wrestled with what Steve had shared with me in his letter about me 'giving in' and becoming increasingly 'inauthentic' since engaging parenthood. I think part of me assumed that Steve was right. I respected Steve's opinion maybe too much. Now I know that.

I know that because in adopting Steve's perspective as my own I was feeling less and less enamoured with the prospects of living. I felt how much 'hatred' and 'spite' there was in Steve's view. I wore those clothes Steve. I put on the glasses you told me to look through and the world became a dark and foreboding place indeed!

___________________________________________________

Something Steve doesn't understand is that I don't have the luxury (if you want to call it that) to enagage philosophically in the ways I once did. My existence is far more practical now---and I ought to mention, far more meaningful. I have to constantly forego the tendency within me to want to disengage from the world around me by entering into philosophical rhetoric about this, that, and the other thing. I can't piss and moan about the world nearly as much as Steve can because I have the duty of caring for a little boy who looks to me for support, guidance, love, strength, wisdom, understanding, instruction, and nurturing.

Steve cannot possibly understand that. He has no reference point. His experiential base (though he will never admit this as far as I can tell) is such that he cannot possibly empathize with me. He hasn't tasted the fruits of parenthood and the kind of care and compassion it elicits. Which is why his words ring shallow--if not empty--to me now.

Steve's Letter No. 2

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 17:41:05 -0000

In Steve's letter there was far more than what I shared last time. I consciously skimmed over mentioning some of the parts of Steve's letter that had to do with me. Some of it struck way too close to home.

I've always appreciated Steve's radical honesty (sometimes I even think the guy is incapable of lying completely, to the point where some of his relationships have clearly suffered---uhm, can you say, 'social graces,' Steve?). ;o ) Anyway, Steve and I have always shared a desire for honesty and transparency in human relationships. It was sensed as lacking by both of us, so we swore to always be honest with each other. No matter what. Not sparing thought of a single feeling. Never worring to offend the other. Just be honest.

Steve, in my opinion has taken this to a level far beyond what I have. I still go along and promise to do things that I don't really want to do when someone asks me---'Oh yeah, sure.... I would be happy to.' I still lie. I am still caught up in a web of relationships where I feel forced to go along with someone else's agenda in order to maintain peace.... in order to maintain a relationship.

This is what Steve busted my balls for. He sees my complicity in lying for social reasons as enmeshing me in relationships that I would not otherwise freely choose to be in. He as much as called me a 'slave' in his letter. He attributed some of his recent disaffection with this-world to me. He said I had let him down. Me! That he always felt like he had at least one comrade in this-world... and that I was that one.... but that in the past year and a half (pretty much since my son Uriah's conception) I have begun exhibiting tendencies and doing things that he asks me to consider are possibly against my Nature.

_________________________________________________________

"You know I love you Deej. We have been through so much shit together. Most people will never understand what we have meant to one another. I know. And because I know I have to tell you you are disappointing me. Yes, I know you have a son now. That's cool. But is having a son any reason to compromise and totally throw your soul away just so you can fit into some image of what others expect of you as a parent?

"See, you think I have lost a little fire for living. You are questioning me Deej. But what about you? Do you ever wonder what I see in you? Do you ever wonder why I don't want to come around to a Birthday Party for Uriah? Do you really ever ask me? Or do you just assume you already know the answer: that I am some big Dick who doesn't care?

"I do care Deej. I probably care more than most. That's a lareg part of my problem. I actually give a shit about something more than 'society' and 'social norms' and 'fitting in' and 'keeping up with the Joneses' and 'status' and all of the games people play to try and 'one-up' their neighbors. And that caring is why I am going to tell you why I didn't show up to Uriah's Birthday Party.

"1. You don't get along with the other-side of Uriah's family (his mother's side, I should add). And if you do it is all an act.

"You remember those talks we have had Deej? I do. I know how you really feel. I know what you have told me. Those are not the kind of people you would ever choose to hang out with if you had an option of doing so. I do have an option, and as your friend I refuse to spend time with people who I clearly cannot share a single meaningful word with. They are loud, obnoxious, and ill-mannered. And you know it. But you just grin and bear it. For who? For Uriah? Is that how you teach him Deej.... to be inauthentic like that? Are you teaching him to cover over his real feelings? Teaching him to lie to himself and everyone around him about how he really feels about certain people and situations? Are you modelling that to your son?

___________________________________________________________

Can I just say, 'Ouch!' here, before I continue with more of Steve's letter?

___________________________________________________________

"I am not asking you to take parenting advice from me Deej. You know better of me than that. All I am asking you is to think about the subtle little ways in which you have given your soul away in the last year and a half in order to maintain an illusion of peace and stability for Uriah.

"Get that? It's not real Deej!! You don't really want to spend time with certain people. You don't. Shit I don't. Shit even people amongst that family can't stand to be around each other!! So why force it? Why make an illusion of togetherness when there is not the spirit of togetherness present? Why do it? Why put on the show? Why manufacture the lie?

____________________________________________________________

This is where some real soul-searching begins for me.

Letter From Steve

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 17:13:04 -0000

Steve sent me a letter in the mail. I don't think I have ever received a letter from Steve before (well, apart from the 2 years I was in the United States Navy, when we shared letters and phone-calls on a somewhat consistent basis). To say I was shocked to receive a letter from Steve would be an understatement. I immediately feared the worst. Before I even opened up the letter to see what was in it I called Steve's house.

He answered. 'Whew!' I thought. His voice even sounded like he was in a good mood.

'What's up Deej?'

'I just got your letter in the mail.'

'Did you read it?'

'Hell no! As soon as I saw who it was from I called your house to see if you were still...

'Aw come on Deej. Give me more credit than that!!'

'Well, can you blame me? How the hell was I supposed to know. I immediately assumed the worst. I figured it was your last will and testament.'

'You should know me better than that. I told you I wasn't going to enact any of the cliches of suicide. I am way too much of an egotist for that. When I go it is going to be 'special?'

___________________________________________________________

Our conversation lightened up from that point on. It was the first in some time that I remember joking with Steve, He commented on the fact that he felt relieved and lighter as he had come to some realizations because of what I had been sharing on my blog at Zaadz. He even apologized for putting me in such a tough position as a friend. He went so far as to say he wouldn't want to be in my shoes---that if I were coming to him with the same stuff he wouldn't know quite how to deal with his best-friend telling him he had no desire to stick around any longer.

'Just don't take it personally Deej,' he told me. 'When this all goes down I want you to know I value and appreciate our friendship no matter what. I won't judge you for what you do or don't say. Some of that shit you have been writing is tough-stuff, and I can see why you would think I was manipulating you emotionally by intimating my own imminent exit. This shit ain't easy. I still don't quite have it worked out yet how I am going to pull this off..... so why should I expect you to know what to say to me. Again, I don't expect you to beg and plead and argue with me..... and if you do.... then I don't expect you not too either!'

______________________________________________________________

Steve's letter (excerpted with his permission) contains a more explicit rationale for why he is set on taking the route he says he is as committed to---just as committed as the Dalai Lama is committed to his vow of celibacy (good one Steve!).

'I want people to question the supposed superiority of the human race. This notion that we are privileged and blessed above all other creatures has always seemed questionable at best, and a total fabrication at worst. I just have never seen myself as above and beyond the fray; like the way most humans have come to exercise their right to demand the near-infinite numbers of killings for the sake of not just their needs.... but their desires. That is not a way of life that I buy into! And never will!

"I don't think I should ask untold numbers of other creatures to die just so that I might live... and live more abundantly. It seems a crock to me. I mean, why should I not be a sacrifice for other creatures Deej? Why should we all not be a sacrifice for the sake of another creature's abundance and health? Why should I not be a meal for the starving Wolf or the near-extinct Jaguar? Why? Wouldn't it be better to give myself for the sake of diversity' (Steve's italics)? Doesn't that make more moral and ethical sense to you: that if I am a proponent of a diverse world then I as a human-being will choose to exit the World-Stage so that other creatures are not extinguished through my daily need to consume.... through my daily need to desire.... through my daily need to impose my will on the natural world around me.

"Think about it Deej. The world is not experiencing a shortage of human-beings.... yet there is and are shortages (ongoing extinctions and eliminations for centuries now) of other creatures that make this-world the diverse playground of the Gods that it has been, was, and always has the potential to be. It is just that humans are usurping that diversity and homogenizing the Planet. That is what Globalization is: Globalization is the Homogenization of a once diverse diorama.

"It is the collapse of possibility at the ontological level of being Deej. Less diverse ontologies Dave.... not more.... that's what Globalization offers. Just mark my words."

___________________________________________________

Passing Out Loaded Guns

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:23:34 -0000

I saw Steve last Saturday evening for what may be our last Saturday get-together for awhile. I told him I had some gigs coming up and my weekends would be full. He seemed to accept it, though he did look away, and divert his gaze, suggesting to me that there may have been some feelings of rejection on his part.

I also invited Steve to Uriah's 1st birthday party. I wish he could just let himself go. He has spent so much time on the outside looking in--always the cool observer--that something as simple as involving himself in the celebration of a child's 1st year on Earth is painful. He told me as much. He told me as much in his body language. He started squirming in his seat right away. It was like he was already looking for an excuse (even though I know he has nothing to do, nowhere to go). It is so lame. I ended up telling him as much. I guess it was my turn to rant.

When I went off I didn't think about Steve or his so-called tenuous state of existence. He likes to make people think he is on the edge... some sort of precipice... and if you dare offend him (though he likes to offend everyone else) you will be responsible for pushing him over the edge. In all honesty Steve--if you read this--you know I think it is a pretty heady Power-Trip you get on when you do that. You like to think you are not at all emotional in your tenuous relationship with existence, but you force others to tread lightly for fear of guilt and shame in saying something that 'pushes you off your little perch' and into the abyss.

Honestly, I think it is cheap to do that to people. Here is my decades-long Buddy taking a stance of indifference and dis-illusionment with the world, and yet subtly--as an undercurrent, in the background--there is this vibe I feel around him that puts me on edge. I feel like I have to tread lightly and censor myself for fear of the repercussions that Steve himself suggests are imminent.

That sucks! Steven and I have always prided ourselves on being honest with each other. So here you have it Steve (a continuation from Saturday's rant).

THE LOADED GUN

I'd like to think I am above and beyond handing someone hell-bent on suicide a loaded weapon. And yet, at some point in time I get sick of the talk (which often means the subtle manipulations of others that goes along with the suicide pose). "Just do it then!" I feel like saying. Shit or get off the pot! I mean, if you were really that serious about what you say you are serious about then why would you go on talking about it everytime the conversation comes around to you. Is it your way of controlling the mood of our relationship? Is it your way of maintaining the power to determine the course and contours of our exchanges? And if it is then quit being such a God-damned Narcissus!

I am sorry.... but I thought a friendship was supposed to be an exchange.... a communion.... a process of reciprocity---of giving and receiving.

I told Steve I was personally offended that he made no effort to spend time with Uriah. It was as if he could give a shit that he was alive or not. I mean we are talking friends here!! I have and know superficial acquaintances who have spent more time with Uriah than a best friend! What the fuck is that??

Ohhh.... and about that birthday party... I am sorry it can't be all about you Steve.

My Friend Steve

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 17:23:36 -0000

Steve is not the kind of guy who is going to play up his disaffection with life for sympathy from others. He is pretty stoic emotionally. It's not like he is trying to get people to beg him to continue along a course he is no longer interested in. When he is done he is done. And if you think you are going to go to Steve and convince him to live for all the 'right reasons' you are wasting your breath. Don't bother.

This is how Steve has put it to me:

'The last thing I want people to think of me is that I am some sort of emotional basketcase. I didn't just have a bad day, Deej, and then get all emotionally unbalanced to the point of becoming suicidal. I didn't just forget to take my meds man!! Heck, I have meditated on the nature ... the meaning... the significance of Death as long as I can remember. I know I am going to die. I know this body-mind is not made for Eternity. I understand it is all going to fade away---with a whimper or a shout. The question for me is how do I want to go out.

Do I want to let cancer take me unsuspectingly? Do I wait for the Bus to hit me as I absent-mindedly cross the street one day? Do I wait for a terrorist attack with Dick Cheney out on a hunting trip? Tell me Deej... how do you want to die: by your hand or by someone else's... or this vague thing we call 'Fate'?"

I know Steve has thought about Death and Dying alot. We both did for many years. We would discuss the best and worst ways to Die. It as if we were Stars and had chosen to become Supernovas: to go out with a bang! To make a statement in dying. And to, above all, make it anything but an accident.

__________________________________________________________________

Steve's rant to me last Saturday also included something about why he was contemplating his own impending voluntary exit from the World-Stage. I remember him saying something about us (humanity, I took him as meaning) needing to make a distinction between disaffection with Life as a whole and disaffection with Culture/Civilization---i.e., the human-generated constructs we all live within, as, and through.

I wish I could remember exactly what he said, as it was truly inspired at the time. I'll try to recapitulate his thoughts as best I can. And Steve, I am sorry if I mess up---you'll just have to join Zaadz and speak for yourself!! ; o )

'Deej, do you think everyone that chooses the voluntary exit does so because they are 'life-haters?' Do you really think that acts of suicide are statements against Life inthe form of Planets and Solar Systems and Stars and Flowers and Rivers and Streams? Do you really suppose that someone is thinking.... 'Fuck you Yellowstone! You suck and I'll be glad to never see your face again?'

That would be silly, wouldn't it Deej? That would be stupid, right?

'Well... yeah.... of course.'

'Yet what is the rhetoric against voluntary exits from the world? Isn't it that everyone who chooses that path must hate Life in all its forms? Isn't the rhetoric such that it makes it sound or seem like anyone who take the path of the voluntary exit must be a player-hater? That they hate or despise Life, period? That they don't want to exist, at all, right?'

'Yeah... I totally get what you are saying here. That there needs to be a distinction made between existence-as-such and existence-within-systems.'

'Well, if you want to put it like that, yes, sure. I would put it like this, though: that suicide is not a blasphemy against God and Life and Spirit and Source and Suchness. People don't get fed up with the Buddha and Christ!! They are choosing to exit the realms of Mara and the Anti-Christ Deej!!'

'It's like they are trying to unplug from the Matrix.'

'Leave it to you to bring in the pop-culture reference! But yeah.... it is not like those taking the path of the voluntary exit are trying to not to exist period. They are oftentimes just making a statement to Civilization and Culture that as Primordial Beings they will not exist under certain conditions.... or, as you put it.... they cannot exist-within-certain-systems.'

'It's kind of like ecology, isn't it?'

'What do you mean?'

'We know that every creature requires the prior existence of a certain habitat (ecology) in order to not just survive.... but to thrive. That apart from that habitat they cannot exist.'

'Yeah Deej.... that's it.... exactly! You do still get it! Sweet, parenthood has not completely deluded you!'

____________________________________________________________________

That's my friend Steve. I wish everyone could be so lucky as to know a pain-in-the-ass like him!!! ; o ) Love ya Steve!!

Is There Any Hope Left For the Hope-Less??

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:37:41 -0000

What do you say to someone telling you they are going to commit suicide? Especially, what do you say if this person is your friend--if you have known him or her since childhood, if you have been throw ups and downs with this person before?

Do you try and pour hope into an empty vacuum that just sucks everything you say into pur oblivion?

I WAS ONLY WEARING MY ZAADZ T-SHIRT!!

"Let's change the world" is what it says. Right across the back, for everyone to see. There it is. Bold. Decisive. No ambiguity whatsoever. An invitation to revolution, perhaps.

My friend has seen it before. He just kind of chuckled. I was the fool. I was the naive one. I knew what he was thinking. But the other day it was different. When he saw it he just shook his head, and with that began the opening up of a whole-can of worms I never saw coming.

I knew Steve (not his real name I can assure you---though family and friends will certainly know who I am talking about) has stopped hoping some time ago. We had been on the 'Path' --as I'll call it--together for as long as I can remember being on the 'Path.' We had deep talks when other guys were chasing skirts and insobriety. We would go to the Clubs and chuckle at how silly all of of our peers were being. Actually, the truth is we didn't think of most people our own age as peers; they were just chronological peers--i.e., people of the same realtive age.

It's not that we didn't want to get laid too. Lord knows we did from time to time. It's just that we wanted to get laid with meaning. If we were going to f*&k then there was going to be some significance to it. We didn't go for the 'mindless fucking' of the drunk and inebriated masses grinding on the dance-floor like everyone was some sort of emptiness trying to be filled up by someone else.

We had a lot of good laughs that way. I smile even now when I think about it. We had our beers. We leaned back like we were cool. We took our swigs of Stout Ales and Amber-tinted 'barley pops.' And we sank into each others familiar company. At least one other person 'got it.'

I don't know if Steve smiles when he recalls those times. He doesn't seem to smile much at all anymore. When we talk he just talks about how dis-illusioned he is. Rather, he doesn't say he is 'disillusioned' with life. Those are my words. I feel like he is disillusioned. He gives me that vibe. I am increasingly struck by how 'nothing matters to him anymore.'

Perhaps I would be in his shoes and we would be contemplating suicide together. Maybe we would go on a reckless car ride and taunt the Gods to take us out around the next sharp bend in the road ahead. Maybe that would have been happening if I hadn't become a Father for the first time a year ago. And now that I mention it Steve's latest transformation began this past year.

I have not been able to spend as much time with my best friend. Having new duties and responsibilities---and a whole new level of love and joy, meaning and significance (yeah, it really does do that to you, and so much more)--in my being a parent has left Steve maybe feeling like he is alone. Maybe I don't 'get it' anymore and he feels like he is alone in 'getting it' now. I am just one of the parental drons doting on his or her child. Just like all the other compliant sheep.

'Change The World My Ass!'

Steve has been drinking more than normal. I could tell. Sometimes when I show up on Saturday night (those Saturday nights when I am not gigging) he has started ahead of me and is a beer or two up on me. We usually just plit a six-pack. Hardly ever do we have more than 3 or 4 a piece. But last night was different. Steve was primed to beat all hell. I knew things had not been like they were before, and it had been this way for months now. Steve was more impatient with me. He got touchy about subjects and would argue. It was like he wanted increasing verbal confrontations. Like I said, he finally went off about the Zaadz T-shirt.

'Huh!'

Spoken by Steve in that disgusted tone of voice I thought to myself... 'Uh-oh, here we go.'

And go we did. Steve didn't wait for me. 'You don't belive that silly bullshit do you? Why the fuck do you wear that damn shirt. It makes you look like a moron.'

'A moron to who, Steve? A moron to you? You think I am a moron just because I am wearing this shirt? It's just a shirt Steve. It doesn't mean I am out on the street corner with the Apocalyptic Preachers fighting for the attention of every passer-by?'

'Might as well be... you'd fit right in Deej. You could go out and tell everyone what a wonderful world this is now that you are a Daddy. Yeah, you could go out and collect everyone's birth control from them so everyone could have kids like you. The more the merrier right?'

'What the hell is wrong with you Steve? You know I don't feel that way! Besides, so fucking what!! I love my son. I am in awe damn near everyday about something now! Shit... is that so bad a thing? You just pissed because I don't go around and cynically reign on the whole human parade anymore? You just pissed because there is some sense of significance I have that you don't?'

'Significance??!! Is that what you think you have? How about delusion!! That's what you have! You just think there is more meaning and significance to your life now.... just like millions of other delusional parental-units like yourself. Problem is, you want to spread that delusion like it is the Gospel. Ooooohhh.... look how happy I am. Here, let me show you a photo of my precious baby. God.... can I puke now!! Blech!!'

'That's how you see me Steve? You really think of me like that? Do you think I changed that much in the past year... so much so that 37 previous years matter little, if at all?'

'Deej.... you said it yourself! You say it all the time.... 'I can't believe how much having a child has changed me.... Blahddie... Blah... Blah.... Blah!!'

'Well it has! So shoot me for being honest about my own subjective experience. I am just relating what is going on with me. It is just a report. No need to kill the messenger.'

'Yeah... you are right.... no need to kill the messenger. Better just to kill the one who has to receive it against his own wishes.'

'What???'

'You heard me. Better to eliminate the recipient of the message. Then you have nowhere to go with your delusional talk about the beauty of parenthood.... or if you do... at least it won't be to me.'

'Steve.... come on man.... don't be like that.'

'Then be like what Deej? Huh? How do you want me to fucking be!! HHmmmm...... You tell me Daddy.... You tell me how you fucking think I should act. Program me! Go righta fucking head. Do it Deej! Tell me. Tell me how I should act and what I should believe. Tell me to be happy like you. Tell me to look on the 'bright-side' of things. Come on! I'm waiting!! Let me have it. And you better do it quick cuz you don't have much time!'

'Hey.... Steve... settle down.... man... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was talking down to you. I was just....'

'You were just what Deej. You were just caring? Is that it? You're concerned about me? You care about me? Huh? Is that it?

'Dude... you know I love you man! We have been through so much shit together. Nothing's changed.'

Then tell me Deej... why does your shirt say what it does? 'Let's change the world.'

Gathering Around Our Commodities

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 16:18:02 -0000

In the summertime here in Michigan, as elsewhere, you can often hear the approaching roar of man and machine. I often hear this roar pour down through the valley as if Odin himself were coming. But I know better. It's just a group gathered together atop their Harley-Davidsons.

The thunder rolls down the blacktop. Moving from town to town. That uniting element: it is the machine: it is a commodity.

You will often hear talk of Doctors and Lawyers hooking up with Mechanics and Oil-Rig Workers. Here the different classes mix. Here the socio-economic divide collapses. White-collar and blue-collar converge atop the unifying commodity: the Harley-Davidson.

Your leather. Your sunglasses. Your lid. A Harley. An open road. That's it. That is all that matters. And when you ride you ride with those who understand. When you ride, you ride with those who know what you know.

You ride with kin.

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Part of me wonders if the experience itself is the unifying element; or, if it is the machine--the commodity, the consumer item purchased from the showroom or the dusty barn. In short, would these people gather and unite without the presence of a Harley-Davidson?

Would we be able to see a socio-economic divide collapse short of the unifying element of the commodity in question? Is the commodity responsible fopr bring people together? Are commodities vacuums in which communion forms?

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It feels to me like there is at least some partial truth to this realization: that people gather around commodities now as an excuse to connect to some more basic, fundamental, primitive.... and dare I say, essential?

It's as if 'things' are capable of gifting us with a reason to commune: we have some 'thing' to connect over. In this view commodities act as bridges that unite the separative ego with others of its kind or ilk.

In one sense this is sad and speaks to what we have lost: that we are incapable of basic human connectedness; that we now need the crutch of a commodity to connect--i.e., an iPod, a Mac, a Movie, a Harley-Davidson. Which says to me that we are not entirely capable of connecting any longer without and apart from commodities--even spiritual commodities we find and discover in the spiritual marketplace (after all, let's not kid ourselves here that we are above it all!!) ; o )

And yet that is not the whole of it. I also feel a sense of hope in the possibility offered to us by 'things.' It is as if there is a power of communion lying in wait in the 'stuff' of the world... so that when two or more notice a 'thing' they are unified in and around.... neigh, because... of that 'thing.'

It's as if commodities can allow us access once again to the very experience of communion and connectedness with others that we maybe assumed at an earlier historical period commodities would replace.

The Increasing Commidification of Consciousness Itself

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:41:43 -0000

One can imgaine a day arriving when human-beings are so alienated from the direct experience of consciousness itself that there is an increasing emphasis placed upon seeking consciousness through the marketplace. Perhaps that day has arrived. Perhaps that day is already here! A day that could well stand to live in infamy; a turning point.

You would think--or assume--that the experience of being conscious, of being a sentient creature, would be innate and natural. You might even suppose that it is not that which needs to be sought out; which requires purchase in the marketplace. And yet look at the marketplace. Just look at the all of the consciousness-commodities being offered.

Just realize how much we have to spend and how desperately we have to seek for that which is clearly ever-present. Consciousness. Awarenesss. The basic fact of sentient existence. So decidedly alienated from the basic fact of sentient existence has humanity increasingly become that there is now the clear and unadulterated pursuit of the experience of consciousness--as if it were a special commodity reserved for the few, the elite, the well-to-do.

The more exalted experiences of consciousness itself are spoken of--by that I mean, 'pitched,' 'marketed'--being special states that can only be attained through special processes that can only be discovered via special teachers for a very special fee.

That exaltation of consciousness is where the money is at, where the apparent prestige in being a 'teacher for the Ages.' Not in the ordinary, basic, mundane fact of being-itself... but in the rarified atmosphere of special Evolutionary Enlightenment Processes and Integral Life Practices.

The 'how' of this is all in the seeking. It is not in the realization. It is not in the cessation of the anxious pursuit of greater and greater spiritual attainments. The 'how' of the commodification of consciousness is the same as the 'how' of the rest of the process of commodification as it pertains to the so-called 'objective world': ceaseless and unending consumerism.

Karl Marx was the first we know of who spoke of the consequences of what happens when the value of a human-being's labour is not fully realized by that person. His contention was that in a Capitalist System much--if not most--of the value of a person's labour is accumulated by the capitalist.... as capital. This leaves the labourer in a state of deprivation: the total value of his or her labour has not been granted to her. The so-called 'surplus value' has been divided up amongst the capital investors... again, as capital.

The worker ends up leaving his or her job with an emptiness---with a value deficit. That deficit, like all vacuums is one that Nature abhors. The result is the desperate attempt to deal with that 'value-deficit' through the consumption of other commodities that have been manufactured and produced by other workers in a similar situation---i.e., commodities that they helped produce, but which left them with a deficit.

Mark spoke of the process of commodification as it pertained to the material world. He was dealing in the realm of objects and natural processes. My hope is to show how that same process Marx described now pertains to the spiritual world---in the realm of subjects and psychological processes. That not only are we alienated from our labour by the Capitalist System.... but that when this same Capitalist System is applied to what we might call 'the spiritual' it serves to alienates us from the most basic fact of our existence.... sentience.... consciousness.

What & Where: Notes On The Seeker's Mentality

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:37:12 -0000

I never personally considered that so much could rest behing the visage of a question. Peel back the surface of a question, feel into that question, sense its nature, and you really can discern so much more than what at first may seem obvious.

For example, questions that begin with a 'What...?' tend to arise from and compel what I'll call here a seeker's mentality. These can run the gamut, from 'What is enlightenment?' to ' What is Love?' to 'What is Truth?' to 'What is Integral?' to even that now infamous Zen koan, 'What is the sound of one hand clapping?'

The 'what-questions' seem to imply that there is a 'thing' that will be the answer to the question. You see, the very nature of the 'what-question'--such as 'What is Enlightenment'--implies that there is a single answer to that question, i.e., that there is this object called 'enlightenment' that we can definitively point to and say, 'That... that is enlightenment.'

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A question that begins with 'Where...' is similar in nature to a 'what-question.' The difference is that the 'where-question' is about locating that 'what' in space and time. For example, 'Where is God?' or 'Where are my car keys?'

More seriously and gravely, we might ask 'Where is my true calling?' or 'Where is my soul-mate.' The hope is that we can find out 'where.' Is it in Egypt? Is it in Topeka? Is my true calling on Planet Zemeldon in the Gamma District of Quadrant 18.63 of the Andromeda Galaxy? Amd if so.... can you tell me where the bleep that is!!

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Seeking. Searching. The seeker's mentality. That perpetual search. The unquenchable thirst. Who would have thought that the nature of the questions we ask reveals the 'state of our consciousness.' What, implies that an object is the answer--a thing... a some-thing. it is a consequence of living in/as/through a state of consciousness that objectifies Life in toto, perhaps.

Where does much the same. We might even get a sense of how the 'what-question' and the 'where-question' are related; in that they both reinforce a sense of seeking for the precious object that we hope to relieve us of our suffering--be it a person, a place, or a thing. Objects all.

This Matter Of Maps

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 17:03:48 -0000

(For pretext look here.... and then here....)

Have you heard that the 'map is not the territory,' that the 'menu is not the meal?'

The finger pointing to the moon is not the essential element. Of course if we are unaware of the moon then a finger may be necessary in alerting us to the existence of said moon. And yet saying just that is not sufficient enough to aware us to the problematic nature of maps relative to numerous human pursuits and adventures.

For instance, or example, does a map tell us how to relate, to be, to travel, to exist? Is there any meaning or significance in a map or a model? Or might we more honestly confess that maps are empty of meaning and significance--whcih is to effectively say, 'empty of any and all humanity.'

Think about it for just a minute, if you will. What is the nature of a map? What does a map do? What is a map for?

Isn't the nature of a map to point out and indicate the whereness of objects? Isn't a map all about the spatial and temporal relations of objects one to another. Isn't that even the case for 'maps of consciousness' or 'maps of the psyche?' Don't even those hold to the rule that maps are about the whereness of objects in space and time?

Can A Where Be A How?

Now I am getting into the juice of what I initially started conveying in the two previous entries (those linked above). I know realize that the trouble I have been having with reconciling my prior affection for all things Integral, via Ken Wilber, with a more recent welling up of dissonance with the same became, is a result of my previous ignorance regarding this distinction between 'where?' and 'how?'

I was so enthralled with the nature of 'maps of consciousness' and 'models of the human psyche.' It was captivating to me how someone like Ken Wilber was even able to approach a mapping of the whole Cosmos. Or, should I say, Kosmos... from---as he has put it---its dust to its Divinity.

What a grand vision this was for me to ecounter in my early adulthood! What a grand vision for anyone to encounter! One can suddenly comprehend how it all is related. You see on the map how these different 'holons'---a term Ken Wilber borrowed from Arthur Koestler--are all related. Even the holons--or can I simply say... objects?--that reside in different domains. Objects that arise in consciousness are related somehow to objects that arise as instances of--what is deemed, through a more staunchly material perspective--a material world. Dreams and Deserts are related. They exist as different expressions of a Greater Whole--as instances of Eternity.

Yet for all of the grandness of the vision unfurled before my eyes there is this matter of how. How do you walk, live, sleep, eat, and fuck? Yes, the map can tell us where objects are located in space and time. Yes, the maps can tell us the relative position of vision-logic to subtle or psychic. Yes, the maps can tell us that this is left of that and that is right of this. But the maps cannot tell us the most important and crucial truths of all: the maps cannot tell us how to be.

A Map For The Lost Among Us?

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 18:38:40 -0000

(continued from here....)

Are our lives torn apart? Are they in need of some remedial form of relatedness; such as where we connect body to mind and mind to soul and soul to spirit? Has life---er, Life--become a socially-sanctioned and accepted form of dissociative distress? Are we just so many unrelated pieces: pieces lost; pieces scattered; pieces uprooted; pieces in exile, alienated from any familiar turf or ground, recognizable to us as that which might just be indicative of something we could call 'home?'

It is beyond arguing that the ongoing experience of many millions of people is just such a sense of lostness. Reflect on that for just a moment: isn't lostness a sense of not re-cognizing where one Is?

Lost: who am I?

Lost: what am I?

Lost: where am I?

Lost: how did I get here?

Lost: (and) how might I find my way when all familiar landmarks and signposts are nowhere in sight?

Lost: (and finally) how might I come to relate and orient myself in such a strange world?

Living In The Existential Lost & Found

Do you wonder what the popular TV series Lost says about the world we have come to inhabit: a world of unfamilar ground; a world where our 'former selves' are little more than ghosts from the past who have no relation to our present circumstances and conditions; a world where we are both open and uncertain, free and fearful?

I wonder if such circumstances can leave us a bit vulnerable. That th combination of our being 'open' and 'uncertain' is liable to make us prey to the Great Pretenders. Might conmen be said to thrive in the Open and Uncertain Ages, in the Free and Fearful Times? Could it be that due to our being uncertain we are more disposed to gravitating to someone who appears to have 'all the answers.'

In short, those with maps can be highl;y attractive for the Lost.

A New Map of the Middle East. This is what we are going to do. This is what we need to do. Here is the answer. Here is where we are going.

The seeming certainty and unshakable conviction of one who appears to have 'a map of the unfamiliar and unprecedented' can be like a psychological balm to a weary psyche torn from all familiar referents. Consciousness is vulnerable in that sense: apart from familiar referents there is a compelling urgency to find some 'thing' to hang onto--even if that 'thing' is a map of this New Land we have fallen from the sky onto.

Emptying Out Traditions

The promises of greater human Freedom have been proclaimed from the rooftops. Yes, we need to break free of what has held us back. Yes, we need to step boldly into a future where we are not conditioned by the past--a future sans History, perhaps (uhm, which is a future that is profoundly antidevelopmental to the core, I might add).

After all, if we deny the Traditions and the Norms which have brought us to the present moment in time where we seem to be standing on the precipice of a whole new Historical Epoch, then do we really have any ground to stand upon? Perhaps that is what the more Conservative-minded among us are pointing to (minus the often shallow intellectualism, and the spiteful accusations against the new and novel): that we cannot go forward unless we honour and respect our origins.

In the TV series Lost we see just how true this can be. The past---though not present in physical terms--is present psychologically and exerts a weight upon the present moment for each of the characters. The characters in Lost are not a-historical or anti-developmental. Rather, they are precise glimpses into the fact that we carry History with us and to a great degree that History is un-avaoidable. We are History.

Running From HIstory

The funny thing is that as much as we are History we also run from it. That's the ironical, slapstick nature of what Ken Wilber has called one of the twenty fundamental tenets that all holons (er, uhm... can we say people, more particularly?) exhibit. That we include History and yet we seek to transcend History.

Word of warning is that to the extent that we deny History... in a transcendent only arc... we are falling into inevitable dissociative distress. The same can be said to the degree that we deny transcendence. An example of the latter can be seen in the arche-Conservatives who seek to uphold Tradition at any and all costs, i.e., for whom there is no transcendence... but only conformity.

We Have Integral Cognition People

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 18:25:26 -0000

I am going to take a bit of a turn here and refrain from speaking about the family and child-rearing issues I have in the previous few entries collected here on this blog. I want to turn in another direction and finally zone in on what has been bothering me about the whole Integral Scene developed and fostered by Ken Wilber. I feel that I have finally come across a way of explaining what has completely 'turned me off' about the whole Integral Spiel as of late.

I'll begin by prefacing the remarks and comments that are to follow with an underlying appreciation for what Ken Wilber initially accomplished prior to the turn of the Millennium. In the years prior to about that of 2000 I was taken up with the promise of Ken Wilber's vision as formulated in his many books. I found Sex, Ecology, Spirituality especially powerful. What Ken poured into that work absorbed me for several years. From the moment of its release in 1995 until the year 2000 I was nothing short of being steeped in the comprehensive nature of what Ken Wilber was sharing with the world through his calling. That process culminated, for me, in the authouring of the works Framing The Postmodern: Language, Culture, Commerce, & Consciousness, as well as Naked Guide To Life & Death: Experts, Extremism, Evolution & Education.

It was the comprehensive nature of the philosophy that Ken Wilber espoused that resonated with me. It was as if in reading Ken Wilber's books I was listening to a voice that issued forth from my own Higher Self.

And yet... and yet... things do change.

Over time I began to resonate less and less with Ken Wilber's work. I stopped being interested in his books. I was actually unable to make it through many of his new releases (which as many of you may know were generally rehashes of earlier inspirations, like a song-writing trying to recreate the formula for an old Top Ten hit). I wasn't resonating with Ken Wilber anymore. I found myself being more and more critical of the populist direction he was taking with his work. The marketing and the hype, the hyperbole and the advertising exaggerations of 'changing the world' were abrasive to me. I was not jiving with Ken.

Yet, I was still taken up with the promise of what a comprehensive philosophy would look like. It wasn't Ken Wilber's vision that held me in thrall anymore. It was the underlying nature of a comprehensive philosophy--i.e., a non-reductionistic philosophy--that I sensed as being the original basis for my resonance with Ken Wilber's work and what I might now choose to call 'Integral Cognition.'

Others might glean that same sense from a Sri Aurobindo or a Jean Gebser, or a William Irwin Thompson. Others might recognize the comprehensive philosophy within the historical period of Renaissance Europe, where art and science, ethics and aesthetics were once again appreciated for their overlapping nature.

The Renaissance is now widely perceived as being a transition point between the Medieval Era and the Modern Era. It was a time when the overlapping, comprehensive nature of the Zeitgeist allowed an old age to pass away and a new age to be born. That new age was the Modern Epoch.

So, fast forward 500 years or so and land in the late 20th Century were a new form of comprehensive cognition is sprouting up amongst the human population and maybe you can begin to appreciate how the Integral Period (not unlike the period of the Renaissance) is itself going to be a bridge to a New Era.

Medieval. Modern. Postmodern?

Synthesis births new possibilities. Even in terms of what we now know about genetics it is oncreasingly obvious that cross-pollination and hybridization are essential for the creation of new life and novel forms. There could have been no Modern Era without or apart from the Renaissance. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada! So much of what we have come to appreciate about the Modern Era--the Age of Modernity--could not have been possible apart from the spirit of syncretism that marked the Renaissance as the Time in which it was. Art fed Science, Science nurtured Art. Goodness, Truth, and Beauty found themselves once again in each other and were not left to lie down in separate beds... distinct categories... alone on there islands of exile.

It was in the Heart-Mind of those like a DaVinci, a Michelangelo, and a Marsilo Ficino that the syncretism of the Renaissance first took root and began to emerge. The exiled Trio of Lovers---Goodness, Truth, and Beauty--where rescued from their solitary confinement and reunited in the consciousness of those lone souls and solitary individuals from whence whole Historical Movements--which inevitably sweep up the masses (planets and populations alike)--begin.

It as if the Fragmented World comes back together in us. It is as if the dissociative distress of a Culture is healed in our Heart first. It begins in the rare individuals who sense the diabolical nature of dissociation and what that dissociation breeds in the consciousness of individuals on the level of the particular and whole species and planets--if not universes--on a far grander scale. That dissociative distress becomes a pain: a form of suffering that demands redress. For the wounded are the world and the world seeks healing through the wounded.

Thus, those who feel and sense the nature of the suffering present in their times are compelled towards Wholeness and Comprehension (provided, that is, that they don't seek to numb and anaesthetize themselves to the wound through everything from sex and romance--i.e., losing themsleves in others, even Integral Movements and Evolutionary Spiritualities!--to drugs and drink, or distracting forms of popular culture via entertainment and media). Where so many forces conspire to tear the Fabric of Creation and Existence apart it can become a process of increasing difficulty to be mindful of the overlapping nature of our many dimensionalities. For instance, where evolutionary biology may reduce you in your imagination to the collection of so many competing 'selfish genes' it can be hard to remain aware that you are not 'just that!'

It is painful to be reduced to less than your Nature. It is also painful to be confined to less than your Potential. This is why we can state that suffering is often no less nor more than you denying you your Self. Deny you your Nature via Self and you suffer now. Deny you your Potential via Self and you suffer now. Both or either can result in the most chronic and debilitating forms of suffering imaginable. And the trick I am hoping to expose here is just how it is that the dissociative distress of denying both Nature and Potential are culturally-accepted and reinforced terms and conditions of our present existence.

...... to be continued.

The Losses Of Liberation

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 17:25:16 -0000

The ramifications of my own conception--exposed here--have instilled in me a life-long question. I have always wondered if freedom, at any and all costs, is an inherent good?

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Should we seek freedom no matter what? Is the liberation of human energies--sexual, emotional, physical, spiritual, or otherwise--always a good thing?

A cursory reading of history makes it seem as if History itself is the slow march of ever-increasing Human Freedom. As the story goes--and you may recognize this story--we are told that we are all moving away from bondage and oppression, repression and restraint towards freedom. We are heading into the unfolding of greater and greater capacities: capacities that we have always held within us, but have not been actualized due to repressive social and cultural forces and factors.

As Freud told it, Culture is the repressive constraint of the Individual and his or her instinctual nature (id, libido). All of the energies that exist as part of our Human Nature are made to conform to the dictates of Culture: Culture is the container.

Further, it is through threats of punishment and suffering that the Individual learns what is an appropriate use of his or her Energetic Nature. The INdividual learns what is 'right' and what is 'wrong.' And yet, the Individual cannot totally deny his or her Living Experience of Energy-Being, so the Individual will tend to come into a state of ongoing tension, as the forces of Culture and Nature collide within the Human Psyche.

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How we deal with that tension--both collectively, as revolutionary Movements, i.e., the Hippies, Flower Power, the Religious Right, the Taliban, or Feminism, and as individuals--pretty much sums up the main Plot of what it is to be Human. We have the two forces (Culture and Nature) doing battle within us and we seek to deal with--manage, treat, address--that ongoing state of tension through manipulations of both Culture on the outside and Nature on the inside.

For instance, the Revolutions of the 1960's were attempts to liberate Inner Nature through the removal of Cultural Norms and Standards. Nature wanted to move (or should I say that Humanity went through a period of dealing with psychological tension through asserting the Indvidual's Freedom over and above the primacy of certain Cultural Norms?). As a result we saw all of the attempted destruction of Cultural Norms--like the traditional Family, traditional Roles, Gender typologies, Sexual Orientations, and so on.

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The attempt of Nature to reassert itself in the face of Culture can easily be felt as the reawakening of Freedom. It feels good to let your Nature flow and to be Free. It can feel.... ahem.... very liberating. And yet, that is not the whole of the story. It doesn't just end there. There are consequences to Freedom. Liberation has its repercussions. In fact, Liberation of that sort is a type of loss. One's Freedom is another's Tragedy. And though the story has not often been told, the Chaotic fallout of the 1960's is, in my estimation, a story about just that: that with Freedom and Liberation come consequences that few, if any, who were caught up in such heady times could have ever foretold.

A Series Of Accidental Occurences

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 17:55:12 -0000

I always counted myself lucky--if not in my more arrogant moments, wise--when many of my friends had their youth interrupted by that quick and unsuspecting fall into fatherhood--at least of the biological variety. I tended to be paranoid when it came to sex. I was hyper-vigilant in the extreme. I am sure this diminished the pleasure of the experience--even though recollecting the events now I feel that pleasure was definitely primary amongst the short list of sensations being felt at the time!

I knew. I knew that sex could result in a severe interruption of my burgeoning adolescence. I could be a frickin' father for Pete's sake!! And that thought scared me to no end.

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How would I ever be able to parent a child? How could I? I had so many issues going on. I had been in trouble with the law for petty crime (though to a parent... any parent... what crime is petty when the perpetrator is their son or daughter!!??). I had minimal education and lived in an economically depressed area with no future prospects. Father? Children?? You got to be kidding me!!

Needless to say I was not much of a 'Play-uh' back in the day. Play-uhs end up leaving a trail of fatherless children in their wake. I saw what happened to the Play-uhs. I knew guys that had more than one young lady knocked up at the same time. And still they would go out on the weekends looking to 'score' yet again. I despised that attitude. Because I was.... yup.... you guessed it.... the child of a Play-uh.

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That's what 'Free Love' and 'Flower-Power' did for me!! I ended up being created and brought into this life a consequence of casual sex. I am the result of that easy 'hook-up' that is free of burdens and consequences. I am what happens when the 'one-night stand' becomes more than just 'one-night.' I am the child of the Sexual Revolution in the truest sense imaginable.

You may be too. I was born in the spring of 1968. Two days before Martin Luther King Jr. was shot to death in Memphis, TN. The Vietnam War, Acid, and Automobiles all mixed in my blood. Outlandish Ideals and Deadly Facts joined together. Free Love and Assasinations. The Beatles and Malcom X. Robert F. Kennedy and Charles Manson. Timothy Leary and Neil Armstrong. Apollo's man on the Moon and the Rolling Stones Altamont. Hell's Angels and Haight Ashbury.

Free Love and Fatherless Children.

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I think it all started back then. I honestly do. I don't feel it is a 'Black Man's Disease' and that White Folk have just caught the contagion from our African-American Brothers. I honestly believe that the epidemic of Fatherless Children was/is a direct result of the ungrounded ideals and sheer hedonism of the late 1960's. And I am not even an extreme Right-wing Conservative!!

What if Free Love and Flower Power gave us the millions of boys and girls who would all be unable to pick their own Fathers out of a Police line-up? What if the.... ahem.... road to hell is indeed made of good intentions? What if the most exuberant Ideals are full of unsuspecting Shadow-material that takes a Society or a Culture... or even a whoe Civilization.... decades to discover? What if we are right now living in the midst of the fallout owed to Free-Love's explosive revolution?

What if Free Love---two words we would never associate with tragedy--has its casualties? What if Flower-Power forgot it needs roots:that an ungrounded Flower is a Dead Flower?

The Intrusive Spirit & Accidental Evolution

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 18:42:44 -0000

Adapt or die!

In a world such as the one that we now find ourselves in events are constantly challenging our homeostatic inclinations. We are being pushed constantly. Nothing is static. And yet we have this way of falling into 'ruts' and 'comfort zones' that we don't like to be far from. It is as if they become 'home' for us--if only in the psychological sense.

Some have called this Power moving the ever-changing, fluxual nature of events 'Fate'... others 'Destiny'... and others yet, 'Spirit.' Some have called it 'blind chance' or 'dumb luck.' Still another group might label the shifting nature of a world constantly testing our adaptability as the direct result of this process Darwin named 'natural selection.'

Adapt or perish indeed!

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Sometimes I feel like the staunchest biologist--the one who owes all of his or her philosophical tenets to the strictest form of materialism--is not that far away from the often-whacky flower-power of the ever-smiling New-Age Life Coach encouraging his or her clients to 'rwach for the stars.' In both cases there is a sense that real success in life--be it evolutionary or enlightenmentary--is the result of being able to flow with and adapt to events that just seem to happen and come out of nowhere. The creature that adapts must readily to the events unfolding in her or her proximity will be the healthiest among all of those creatures and beings that are required to adapt to the Inherent Flux of the Floral and Faunal World.

You've got to 'roll with the changes' as the 1970's rock group REO Speedwagon once sang it. Changes are inevitable. Buddha said so. Darwin said so. Deepak Chopra said so!! No really, I saw him fundraising for PBS and he said so. He really did! ; o )

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Oddly enough, though, after thousands of years of the same message being repeated in countless forms, in numerous locales, through all manner of song, poetry, sacred text, dance, and drama... the fact of inherent change (and our requirement to adapt to the altering events taking place around us) is... well... to put it lightly.... not very friggin' easy at all. For all we know about change and the altering of the landscape we walk in, as, and through day-after-day anmd night-upon-night we still seem to be a species capable of kicking and screaming violently when we are initially faced with the prospect of change.

"Nope!! Not me!! I'm not gonna do it!!"

Besides, it is against my values. ; o)

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But who wins the War? Isn't it Fate... Destiny... Spirit... God... Dumb Luck... Blind Chance? Isn't the (non)Accidental Universe, in all of its gruesome Glory, the ultimate victor when we go to-to-toe with this Mysterious Power that we have named and narrated; and yet, in spite of that, still eludes all of our labels and definitions, our schemes and agendas?

Ultimately our trifling efforts to encapsulate the nature of what is going on are exposed for what they are: our attempts to measure the Immeasurable falter in the face of a Situation that always and forevermore exceeds our capacity to get our heads or our hearts around IT. Which is why I contend that ultimately it is a matter of allowing IT to peremeate and saturate our own consciousness.... our own person.... our own song and dance routine here on this dusty stage where scenes play out with nary a pause in between them.

We can't get our heads and our hearts around IT.... because we can't step outside of IT---be it Fate or Chance or Dumb Luck.... Spirit or Source or Suchness or the Great Whatever!! We are THAT... we are the 'dumb luck' and the 'blind chance' and the 'selfish genes' and the 'Fate' and the 'Destiny' and the Accidental Evolution and the Intrusive Spirit all rolled into one great big California Roll at the Sushi Bar of THIS!

Which is why I would dare to end this in the awareness that 'This is not happening to us,' as much as 'We are all happening.'